"Around this time, I turned to my art. As the movements persisted and the accompanying depression started to take over, my drive to find answers and solutions was fading. Much like in my youth, I needed an outlet to let out this frustration. I wanted to write but couldn’t concentrate. My brain was exhausted from trying to be my own doctor, worrying, and just trying to keep myself from jumping out of my skin.

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Both Scott and Dr. Lewis suggested that maybe it would be a good time to paint or draw. I didn’t want to do anything. When you’re constantly moving all day, all you can do is focus on when you will stop moving.

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Scott drove me to a local art store to pick up a few supplies. When we got home and I looked at those blank canvases, I wanted to pull a Jackson Pollock and just throw paint on the canvas or simply tear them up all together. But, more constructively, I created and painted symbols to depict moments from my current life. I made my compositions in a cartoon style, which felt like a light and uncomplicated way to convey such a complex unknown. Plus, cartoons were one of the few things that always brought me joy. While the figures were simple with minimal detail, the linear work with a black outline required a ton of precision on canvas, and my hands struggled to stay still. I forced myself to complete these works, all while listening to the most depressing showtunes I could find. I needed to feel productive and that I was accomplishing something. To be stuck at home with nothing but my own thoughts made me feel useless."

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Selection from Unstill: The Ordeal of Anxiety, Pills, and an Undiagnosed Disorder